My sister and my nephew have been in town for the past couple of weeks. Last night I went to my parents house where she is staying, and had dinner with my mom and my sister. It was an awesome little hen party! we ended up drinking 2 bottles of wine between the three of us.
Anyway we got to talking about how difficult it is to compromise on different parenting ideals with your DH. I actually worry that my DH and I won't be on the same page when it comes to parenting. He is very very easy going and has the mind set of "kids will be kids," while I really want to enforce manners and having my kids be very well behaved is really important to me. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be the bad guy parent which totally sucks. We've already had in depth conversations about how we want to raise our kids, and for the most part we are on the same page, it's just some things that I think we will have a problem with.
Let's take our dog for example. We are very lucky that he has such a good temperament because he is definitely not trained well. We kind of failed in the training department. Anyway we were at the park a while ago and I completely lost control of him, and he was absolutely being a jerk to this one dog who was just trying to play fetch with his owner. My DH blamed the owner of the other dog and called him a "douche" and kept saying things like, "who comes to the dog park but doesn't like when other dogs play with their dog," blah blah blah. I, on the other hand see a very serious discipline problem with our dog. I mean, we lost complete control over him. He's a big dog and he was able to pull the leash out of my hands. That is a problem. My DH is in complete denial about it. He thinks our dog is the best dog in the world, which is cute, but come on, call a spade a spade. So now we are having the argument on whether or not we need to put our dog into obedience school. I think I am losing, and it's just that I don't want to argue about it anymore. This is exactly how I can see things going with our kids. Me giving in just because I want to avoid the arguments. It's funny though, because my sister and my mom said they had to go through the exact same things with their H's. I guess the woman in our family are destined to be the bad guys. Lol.
I would totally feel the same way if I were you.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, you need discipline to have respect. If your hubby doesn't want your future children to respect him (which I'm sure he does), the just don't discipline them. Honestly, the reason your dog doesn't behave with you guys is because it's never been trained/disciplined and does not respect you guys. You guys don't lead the "pack", he does.
I think you should bring it up like that with your husband. Sometime mention respect. Most men want respect from their children and animals...well that doesn't come by just letting them run wild.
My hubby and I are sometimes in the same boat as you guys. He is a little bit of both extremes. For example, he REALLY disciplines our dog, even if she is just doing something that I consider a "small no-no", like barking at the neighbours while they are in their backyard. He'll get real angry with her and punish her to stay inside for the next hour lol. Whereas, I'm like, "okay, it's not that bad". But then there are situations like he thinks it's awesome when kids run wild, get hurt because their playing in crazy places, or pushing the limits (like riding their bike on the other side of the street when they're only allowed on THIS side). He thinks "kids will be kids, let them get hurt, let them learn". Whereas, I'm like, no way man. They need rules and need control. So, in that way I'll definitely be the possessive, controlling mom and he'll be the fun-loving dad lol.
I'm sure in all partnerships there's a lot to work out because two people won't always think the same way. But my hubby and I promised each other if we disagree on each other's decisions or parenting we will talk about it in private (not around the child) and ALWAYS, ALWAYS show the child that we are a team and on each other's side (even if we aren't). If the child thinks that you are an unbreakable team, it won't pin you against each other and won't try to "get away" with much.
That is like the most important thing to Dave and I in parenting...being a solid team. We won't always agree with each other, but we need to work it out as a team and the children will NOT be part of the team's decision-making.
Okay, I'm done now. LOL. I didn't realize I had so much to say on this topic. ;)
Thanks Ker!
ReplyDeleteYou're so right! And I love that you've had similar experiences as me. It's just sometimes my H can be soo stubborn and I am probably the least stubborn person ever. It will definitely be a learning experience, but I'm sure all parents go through at least a bit of this.